Me and Mine
by drufan
Summary: Tag or missing scene for Miller's Crossing.  Desperation has a way of making decisions for you.


_A/N: Very short missing scene/tag for Miller's Crossing. Such a turn for the characters all around. Gah! What a great episode_

_Disclaimer: Tain't mine. I'll try and remember to put them back how I found them. _

**Me and Mine**

"_I can't…" "I'm sorry…"_

Words that carried resonance like his footsteps on the polymer floor. The corridors seemed darker, even though it was the middle of the day. The trip from the Gateroom to the living quarters seemed longer. His inner perceptions of self seemed changed-- only because they were-- only because no one had ever done anything remotely like this for him before.

When watching Jeannie with Kaleb and Madison, emotions had stirred within him that were unfamiliar, at least, until recently. Their family embrace was so filled with love and happiness that he only could stand back, watch, and smile. It never occurred to him to join because this was for them. He had stayed the one night, if only to make sure they were all right.

Rodney had to go see another.

The corridor narrowed, but only in his head, as he approached the door. He would not stop to announce himself; he would go in and say what he had to say, because everything had changed. He no longer was the center of the universe; he no longer was the only bright star in the night sky. He straightened, gathered himself, and understood fully what had been done for his family and him.

Sitting across from this person, who he thought he knew, he understood more and more. Rodney had been willing to sacrifice himself. He had been willing to walk right in there and let the Wraith feed, even if death was the end result, as scary as that was.

John had been willing to take it a step farther. He had been willing to give into a convenient source, but not the easy solution. Rodney's had been the easy decision…relatively speaking. John's had been the mind blowing and heart rendering hard one: sacrifice another.

He could see it in his friend's face. He could see it in every action as he explained himself with a comic book in his hand. Rodney, sitting on the edge of the chair and wanting to grasp this outlandishly disturbing action, understood.

Teyla had imparted in a discussion, soon after her people went missing, "John considers us family. I am finding people do many uncommon things for family."

An uncommon day for himself, he was listening. She, of course, was speaking about the Seer and Sheppard's decision to take the team to see this man. Desperation had a way of making decisions for you. He had nodded in sympathy, not complete understanding.

Rodney finally got _it_ in all of _its_ fanatical glory. He would have sacrificed himself for Jeannie. There was no question in his mind that it would have been an agonizing and horrific end, but necessary-- desperation making his decision.

So, instead, John had sacrificed himself for Rodney. He could see it so clearly now as the man fumbled with the words for the explanation. Wallace had gone after family to save family…any idiot knows you don't go after family.

John Sheppard was a scary son of a bitch when he wanted to be. And Rodney was glad the scary son of a bitch was on his side. But it was still John, the awkwardness proved this point. His eyes were not dead, far from it. They were roiling from coping with his decision. Rodney was grateful, which disturbed and comforted him.

He didn't like it. He didn't want it. He couldn't have done it. However, he understood it on such a base and primitive level it scared him. _Better Wallace than Jeannie,_ he maliciously thought. So he thanked John because it was the only thing left to do. The sacrifice was the right thing, even if it wasn't the correct thing.

There had been a lot of hero discussions as of late. This action was not heroic, but it took that similar type of unwavering belief in honor to implement it and to conclude it.

"Evel Knievel…" John had answered walking on a road where other scary sons of bitches were waiting. Evel might have been a certified lunatic and hero, but he had dogged determination like John Sheppard. Rodney found comfort in that twisted logic somehow. He could only hope he could be half the friend…or someday return such a deep and unfathomable favor with as much conviction as John had shown.

So, as he stood up from the chair to go to the cafeteria-- and in Rodney's mind, food was definitely in order-- he would let the beast rest. Also, his own honor needed soothing and clarification. Jeannie had to have been wrong or still holding a grudge for the whole kidnapping thing…because he, _Rodney _McKay, was a damn good looking man.

It also allowed them to step back out into the hallway and to journey for a little light.

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_A/N: This episode was complete…tags or missing scenes are complete indulgence…glad I got to indulge._


End file.
